lets start with me being all confusing. lets say what i am now is not really me. what if i am actually trying to be funny just because funny people are crowd favourites. is it me as in the REAL me being funny. yeap, its seriously mind-boggling. but then, i like being random and funny. it is true that some people kinda, sort of, hmmm...what would be the apt word?...hmmm..think that me being random is totally stupid. yeap, that sentence is has suffered some severe "malapropisms" (by the way, it ain't an illness, thank god right!! imagine the doctor telling you that you have malapropism and you will be like...WHAT?...haha). and yeah this is getting hard to explain as in, i don't really know whether there is a purpose for me to be typing this out here but yeah, i felt like it at the start of the post.
to put things clear or well, just take the veil of confusions off, i doubt myself now. as in, am i being ME? or am i being the ME people want me to be? i feel confused. nevertheless, i am feeling calm at the same time. i really don't know whether this is normal or should i be running to the psychiatrist now. oddly, not knowing me truly, has given me the chance to discover new things about me that i didn't know about me in the first place. yeah, i am confusing you again aren't i? well, in simpler terms (frankly i can't find simpler terms than the one i used in the sentence before this). i guess the element of surprise in it counts for it. i am amazed by the amount of things that actually interest me.
well, i am lost. my identity and my idiosyncrasies may still be there. but are they truly mine? hmmm. i honestly don't know. in a nutshell, i am enjoying being lost and am hoping not to be found until the very last second on earth.
3 comments:
ara!!!! hi. gosh it's been so long~ glad to know u r starting to find urself in a 'serious' way. am going through a similar phase here, enjoyable, u get to experience u as U in different ways. it is actually a good thing, life is kinda like a journey of finding who u r by experimenting n expressing urself to the world. so good luck in experimenting different U's in a fun way!
gosh, lost? seriously? I don't think that's the word to describe the situation you're in. You seem to be perfectly in control (you are right?) of what you are doing and you know where you are headed to (you do right?)
Just believe in yourself, and don't over think about what you are or who you should be, just be.
Btw, just so you know, your friends from Seremban has got your back, so even if you fall, we'll help piece you back together. :D
somewhere in life, we all wonder who we are, who we were, and who we will be. It is that "phase" of self-identification, i believe - A sure sign of further maturity. And it is not a bad thing at all. I believe that we would all go through one way or the other. Ever since last year, i'm been in this state too.
What's important in this life? Why are we who we are? Those are big questions. Am i even addressing your question? You see? the individual is a complex organism.
I believe that an individual's character changes and is highly varied. We can be serious, and another moment we can be wildly crazy. i know this because i am like this. Is that a bad thing? I dun think so. Human beings are unique, no one ever said we are fixed to one mold. I don't see why you can't be funny, and turn serious the next, then go crazy. This is us. This is we. This is, more importantly, you.
But you see, we are so volatile, so fragile when we are young. When we grow and mature, we become stable, like the sapling that once bows and sways to the wind, finally becomes a strong tree. I think you are at that stage, where you are fixing who you are, where you are becoming a tree.
What's crucial to remember is this:
1. Never be ashamed of who you are.
2. It is good to question yourself-why are you who you are? is it for the right intentions? If there is no evil motive, then i say there is no wrong.
3. At the end of it all, what really counts is relationships. If you are the most charismatic person in the world, what would it matter, if none of the relationships you had ever count? In my short life, I realized that no matter how good i become, there are always those who want more from me. And there are those who love me no matter how much i suck. Remember your relationship with your family, your friends, more importantly with God. You will find yourself when you truly find Him.
4. I am there for you.=)And God is too. Always, more than i ever can be.
Sorry for this long comment. I suppose i should have blogged it or stg, but i was worried that i lose my inspiration. May we continue to grow and mature as we find our way in this world.
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