.a question to all.....

i am confused. whether to listen to my friends who are asking me to differ NS and go for college or to go for NS like i planned earlier......its like...why you want to go and waste time there when you can join a college and start early.....and my dad is like it will be a new experience, go for it... i am confused.......

i am really dumbfounded. help me.....what do you guys think.....should i go or not?

i am gonna try and stay calm but.................

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IT'S ALL OVER, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am who i am

i have been called a lot of things; an ogre, a gorilla, a girl, a chicken, a weirdo and why even a nonsenscical jerk. but i am non of those. i am who i am. who am i? good question. aren't we all trying to find the best answer possible for that?

i dunno lar. i am confused. why? i don't know. about what? i don't know. i just came back from a fren's palce and i feel like crap. its like i have not been acting my age. u know its like one moment i am the happiest man on earth and the next i have sunk to the deepest of the seas. am i acting my age?

its like i have to u know....some how....be 17 but according to people i am still acting like i am in lower secondary or sumthin like that. i dun even know what i am typing this for.....

what do u guys think......am i supposed to be who i am or be the grown up guy everybody expects of me??????

unknown number.....

there was this moment
you were sitting next to the person beside me
and i was wondering
will we still be frens
after our time in secondary school

we laughed
we talked
we joked
and we ate

then suddenly
my phone vibrates
i looked at the unknown number
called that number
but no one answered

we continued laughing
we continued talking
we continued joking
and then again
the unknown number

i ignored it this time
before i knew it
it was time to bid farewell
for the lunch was over

everybody started moving
i looked around
searching for a friend
of ten years
then i see him

gladly stood beside him
and i saw his family
heading towards the exit
he said bye
i said bye

he looked at me
and smiled
"it was me"
he said showing
his phone

i laughed
and slapped him
on his shoulder
"how dare you"
i asked, smiling

then he left.....
after that i left too.

the four letters...

the four letter word,
is it true?
or is it just another myth.
long i stand here,
waiting and believing,
also hoping that it is.

would she come?
what if she doesn't?
what do i do?
do i go back?
or do i stay and wait?
wait for time to pass
and with it,
my youth.

stares thrown at me,
like daggers,
stick out on the outside,
even more painful
blunt daggers of fear,
start bludgeoning
my poor fragile heart.

glancing left and right,
i take a step in front,
awaiting the saccharine smell,
those beautiful eyes,
her cascading silky black river,
the pearls her roses conceal,
the touch of her wet petals.

consoling my weeping heart,
i take a step back,
only to find out,
i had stepped on her
soft shy feminine calves,
magic sparked for
both our eyes locked,
and with it LOVE,
i kissed her,
right there and then.

guys i am a bad poet but i wanted to write something short and story-like but it kinda turned out as a poem....wait...i am not that sure whether it is poem or not....sorry if it pains to read this...hehehehehehehehheheh

didn't really want to pick out a tittle...

well, i feel bad for not studying the amount i am suppose to. having said that, i am truly seeing new personalities (who are not that new anyway) who are popping out like mushrooms out of no where. no...no... they were there before but i didn't really notice them.

first of....

Barack Obama..
i love the way he delivers a speech and i truly think that he has the power (and brains) to change the world. i am also inspired by the way he holds himself high, even though odds are against him. i do not really like politics but as far as it goes, he is truly a magnificent character who i think is one of the best leaders we have in our generation. i took notice of him recently, when there was a brouhaha about a comment he made about the police force. and then decided to youtube him and i heard a speech he gave on changing the world. it was awesome.

will smith (i know you are thinking, whats up with me and african american guys?? aren't you?)
well, i saw him on oprah and sure i loved his movies way before that. he is just so cool, calm , collected and crazy at times. and have you heard him laugh .......ohhhhh...you should....then you will be laughing at and with him. it is just so funny. i love the way he talked about his kids, and life and everything he said on the show was just so apt at that moment. i don't know why but i was depressed when i was watching the show but when the show ended my spirit was uplifted.

dhilip varman...(i am sorry for you if you haven't heard him sing...sorry also if you don't understand the language he sings in..tamil.)
he is this awesome indian singer in malaysia. i heard his songs and fell in love with all of them..i really can't believe that we have a singer that good. i also love the way he sings live. he is so genuine when he gives interviews.....and i also love the fact that he didn't give up after losing in a competition and is now even more famous than the girl who won.

i really can't believe that i didn't notice these guys before. well, they are just great...i don't really know why i am blogging about nonsense like these which you already know about (most of you all...anyway).. but this is MY blog...... so you know i just felt like writing something like this. cheao.... ppl..(for now)

the BEST birthday ever.....

alright, i just came back from the best surprise birthday party one could ever get. seriously, i did not expect it.

it all started yesterday, when clement told me that we have a Mighty Minds meeting at his house. so i was like

" do we really have to have the meeting?" and he was like " hey competition is in like few weeks, you know."

and then i was like " okay lar...but why tomorrow?" and then shaki was like " other days got tuition lar,". and so i gave in and said that i would go.

so today, after school, i rushed home and bathe and rushed to clement's house. (i brought my dog, Lucky, because they really wanted to see it, in the car). and then, when i reached his house, he was getting ready to go somewhere. he later explained that shakilan had no transport and he was going to fetch him. just when he was about to finish saying that, hannah came out of his house.

i was like "what are you doing here?" ( i was suspicious by then, though)

she was like "we had to finish up some last minute work given by miss claire."

well, i kinda believed her because it was really possible. then clement explained that he was going to drop hannah off and pick up shaki at the same time. so it would have been awkward to stay in his house without him. later, he invited me to go with him.

so i went along. clement's mum was driving and she drove into the lane where KFC was situated. they got out of the car....

and i was like "why you guys getting out of the car,"

and then they said something that i couldn't catch. so i got out......

and then i saw yu chen standing at the entrance inside KFC. i was like AHHHHHHHH....i couldn't believe it. i figured it out then.

they had organised a surprise bithday party for me.....for me. OMG...omg....i was staring at clement like a weirdo and he was just smiling and pulling me into KFC. and then we went upstairs where almost all my close friends were. chin chin, carolyn, kee wen, ying ying, yu chen, andrew, and then later shakilan and chee jong joined in. there were snack plates on each place and then they were all smiling and wishing me HAPPY BIRTHDAY. wow....they are like so ....cool and .....just ....wow...... GREAT FRIENDS.

and then shakilan brought the chocolate cake in. it was so large. i didn't even know how to cut it, hannah had to help me. i mean seriously where can you get friends like mine. i have to say that i am very lucky to have them. clement, seriously you are the best, along with shakilan, carolyn, and hannah. can't believe these guys actually managed to keep it in dark till today. later i found out that they were planning this for over a week now. and all those weird moment and questions here and there made sense. it fit just so perfectly.

guys, i am very fortunate to have friends like you. i was dumbfounded today and just for the record, this was the best birthday i have ever celebrated. i couldn't have wished for a better one. you guys rock. lets keep our fingers crossed that we will be best friends forever. ahhh...to heck with the fingers...we know we will be best friends till the end of time. thank you so much.

my new puppy....

well, after drowning in my sorrows for such a long time, i am going to post my new schnauzer terrier mix puppy's (LUCKY) photos on my blog....yay....but don't expect me to update alot because trials is around the corner and it is only right if i start preparing now......

ps: the first photo is from the net....you know just to give you the feel of how it is suppose to look like when it is older...hahahahahahah

national service.....

damn. yes, i got chosen for it. can you believe it. most of my friends did not get chosen. well in my class, only about 10 students go it. well it is definitely good news for those who didn't get it. i must be very unlucky for my sister got it last year and i am 'supposed to be' immune because there was this rumour that only one child from a family would get it. sick man.

it's not like i hate it. i am willing to go but my mindset is that it is a total waste of time. 3 long months. its like crap you know. it is supposed to instill discipline in us and encourage integration. it's bogus. clearly, we will only hang out with the guys that we know there right. from the 48 students in my class, i am one of the very few unlucky ones. i consider it very unlucky if i didn't get a friend to go with in the same batch and site.

its like i want to go but at the same time i don't want to go. some of the sites have very good facilities and superb management and friendly instructors but some are just the total opposite of all that. you know. my sister says that the food there sucks and the only meal that is nice there is the breakfast (American style, what). the place she went to was really cool (and cold). and most of the times it would rain and the march practice would be cancelled. i really do hope i get the same site as hers (bukit asahan in melaka)

but then again, i am planning to do my SAM programme next January. i don't really want to rely on JPA (for my sister and my dad learnt their lesson in doing just that. it's a complicated thing really. you wouldn't understand if you haven't gone through it. and i am also worried that it would affect my results because i keep wondering what will happen to me in NS rather than studying. *sigh*. its really sort of stupid really. well, i have to go out already. more updates coming, alright.

more than words....

yesterday at about 11.00 am my dog, naxy was put to sleep. it has had disease since last year. it had bleeding ever since but still alive and active though. you have seen it right. it had brown coat of fur and streaks of white here and there. it was my companion for about 8 year you know. it was a very very smart dog. it may not have been obedient but it was the best thing that had happened to me. there would be a huge smile on it's face, it could tell it was so happy.

yesterday, the vet came to my house just to check how bad was the disease. he confirmed that the disease had worsened and there was no way to treat it for even though he tried it would only hurt him. he said that naxy had suffered real bad throughout this infection. the only way to relieve him from the pain and torture was to put to sleep. that moment i broke down and cried. i cried like the most idiotic person on earth. if anyone saw me they would have confirmed there was a death in my family. but it was like that. naxy was my brother. a member of the family ever since i was a toddler. he played with me. he licked me , chased me around the house. he also caused havoc wherever he went but that was what made him special. if not for all those things, he would not have been my dog.

i am like a death man right now. it is as though a part of me had been chipped away heartlessly. the pain is just unbearable. the doctor also called someone to help us dig a grave in a free place. he brought my lifeless best friend there and we followed him. me and my mother with my brother. it was painful to let go of him.

seriously i could not have had a better dog than naxy.he might have been unruly disobedient and just playful but he was my friend, companion, brother and everything i could ever wish for. i had said goodbye to him with a hug. he was just so good a friend. well that's all i got to tell for the pain i am feeling right now and the love i have for him are things that aren't explainable in words.

readmalaysia....

well, the readmalaysia book fair was held in mines resort city in the exhibition hall. it was huge but they only had a small section for English books. most of the books were of Chinese language and malay language. the MPH booth was really awesome. the prices were not to say that attractive but they were alright.

i reached there around 1.30 on Sunday. it was the last day of the fair. i was hoping for last minute discounts but was disappointed. the books were stacked up high in all the booths. i had my eyes on Jodi picoult's Plain Truth. i really wanted that book. i was glancing around the booths before deciding to go back to the MPH one to get the book. it was RM 10 cheaper meaning it was at RM 24.40. my sister bought robin sharma's The Saint, The Surfer, and The CEO and chicken soup for the girl's soul.

the trip was great actually. later, we went to midvalley megamall for the global Indian shopping festival. my mom wanted to just 'experience' the atmosphere there. we were there for about three hours. and guess what we didn't have lunch. yes, we were so caught up with books and the shopping festival that we forgot to eat.

anyways, everything went according to plan. now it's time for me to maybe take a break from all the travelling . yeah right!! i still have moral folio to do with my revision. it's going to be a heck of a day to do.

weeee...mid year exam is over...

yup, mid year exam is over. i am happy for that but i am also scared that there are only 3 more months for trials. need not say about SPM. currently i am indulging myself with novels and taking a break from the havoc of studies.

today we celebrated teacher's day at school. it was fun and all. i gave my well-worthy teachers apples and chocolates. well, i walked around the whole school with my buddy and spent almost the whole day doing nothing but talking to friends, making nonsensical jokes, wishing teachers and reading Agatha Christie.

yesterday, one of my closest friends was scolded by an angry teacher. and (its not a surprise is it?) he was not the one to be blamed for. (some of the teachers are like that...*wink* starts with a 'c'...*wink*) technically, she was the one who didn't (still doesn't) know the difference between a secretary's work and a president's.

for that friend of mine,
dude, just forget about what she said, you know you are doing the right thing, just carry on doing it and she will realise her wrong. don't give in or fall into the abyss of ignorance set up by her.heheheheh( wow, dramatic much)

alright then, i will keep updating. but tata for now.......

guilty or not guilty...

actions can only be judged by those performing it. the ones to comment on other's actions simply do not know the real reason behind them. but some actions do not need reasons at all. so does it make it right to judge those actions? better still what if that was a murder.....

i looked around the enclosed dark room. there was not a ray of light anywhere. much like my life that has plunged into the abyss of darkness. the rays of hope had vanished, leaving me alone in my dirty disgusting world. the fan above me creaked while the blades swished around.

my thoughts were very disorganized. there was a cloud of confusions over my head. a drop of sweat dropped from the tip of my nose and fell on her leg. i couldn't see but i could tell, her legs were right below me. she laid motionless and liveless. her white sleeveless t-shirt drenched in blood and sweat. again, i can only imagine that. my feet felt a thick liquid oozing out from her lower abdomen, right where i had stabbed her.

why did i stab her? that's a question i have no answer for. the reason was nothing. i stabbed her for no reason at all. she had come in awhile ago. wearing a white t-shirt and a skimpy old blue jeans. although, her lips only asked for directions to the apartment above mine, there was lust in her eyes. i could sense that she was not here for mere directions.

her fingers had played with her curls. first sign of flirtation. i noticed there was a glimmering diamond wedding ring on one of her fingers. a smile had slowly been introduced to my face. i looked at her, straight into those sensuous red eyes. i could feel that she was here to play with me. she wanted me. i knew it.

i had slowly moved towards the door. the click of the lock only brought a glow of joy on her face. she wants to play with me. then i shall play with her. i had taken her into my arm and led the way to the sofa. she smiled not knowing what awaited her. when she was comfortable, i grabbed the vase on the table beside the sofa. broke the end of the vase and stabbed her. she screamed but no one could hear her, for i had my hands over her mouth before that. i stabbed her not once or twice but thrice. definitely, she felt the pain piercing through every single cell in her body..

now sitting here, i keep thinking. am i guilty or not guilty? there are a lot of points to argue this question. but the real answer is for me to know and for you to let your imagination go wild. i stood up and walked over to the door. a short glance over the body brought a smile on my face. i closed the door shut, locked it and walked away.

....Exams....

yeah, i know it's a boring topic to blog on. let me just get to the point. I HATE EXAMS. yes, exams are my worst enemies. i will read like a mad fool day and night, hoping to score an A for that subject. there will be bags under my eyelids and definitely, my circulatory system would be drenched in caffeine. they are my secret weapon to keep late nights. and the results? would it be worth it?

yea, yea , yea. i can hear the 'sighs' and 'yawns'. tell you something. personally i think exams only put on immense amount of pressure and stress onto the students. but one thing is for sure, its not the exams which are to be blamed for this. the perception of teachers, the society and parents is such that once you get a B you are a B grade student. nothing more nothing less. but since i do not have any say in this, and every individual has the right to think in his or her own way, i will stop blabbering about the perception.

i see my friends (some of them) are well prepared and that is the way to be. exams are to test on how much we have learned. if the system is right (remember i said 'if'), then all of us should be prepared. we wouldn't be going through this stress, simply because we have done our part. yea but because we are usually too busy with other things during normal weeks, we only study when exams come.

sure, i would love to put the blame on the system but still, the onus is on me to study. if i carried it out well, i wouldn't be studying and memorising like a schizophrenic now. anyways guys, biology was alright i still have two more weeks of exams ahead of me, so don't expect frequent posts. Now, i have to go study for the rest of the subjects. bye guys.

the mighty mindz.......

yeap baby, we won....the state challenge. we are the mighty mindz. the humble mewahans. the things we did to get to this point. i can't describe the satisfaction on our faces when we got the winning results. it was so great. seriously, our main goal was not to win though. it was to do our best and have fun while doing it and we accomplished it.

we arrived at seremban parade at about 10.45. by that time the lower secondary were doing the first task already, which was the answer-question challenge. we registered and went for a short walk. it wasn't a walk actually. just moving here and there, saying 'hi' and waving 'hello'. if you were there, you could literally see the nervousness on our faces. me, clement and shakilan. OMG. there were rude people there, too, walking past and smiling cynically.

then it was our turn for the first task, the upper secondary. we went in with clueless minds, not really mighty. we were sort of not prepared because there were so many things going on. debates and Prefect Gala. we did do last minute ,desperate, preparation. we stayed back for two days while other schools stayed back for two months. we were definitely freaked out. the thought of losing again (as you guys know we lost in debates finals) haunted all of us. it would be humiliating to go down again. it would be easier to plunge into the abyss of darkness (exaggerating much? yeah)

from the first 7 questions we were 3rd, the first 14 questions, we were 9th...at the end of the first challenge, we were 8th. but it does not matter, since the top 30 teams qualify to the second challenge, that is the hands-on challenge.

now...... the hands on challenge was well......., REALLY, and i mean REALLY, challenging. we were required to built a water powered windmill within an hour and half. and guess what we were given, 3 bottles, 5 plastic tea-spoons, plasticine, a screw, a pin, UHU glue, a polystyrene "wheel", colour paper, a 100plus can, chopsticks, and a blade. (other stuffs, i just can't remember, sorry.) well we started off great. we got to planning and we immediately got to work.

when doing the project a lot of things went wrong. remember the polystyrene wheel? yeah, about that. we kinda decided to poke the sharp end of the spoons (which we cut) so that the water can hit the spoon and turn the polystyrene wheel which in turn would turn the chopstick that will turn the windmill (the 100 plus can cut). but we were 'smart' enough to put UHU glue into the point where we poked the wheel. yes, it turn soggy and soaked.

we looked at each other, panicked. plan B , we used the bottle cap and the plasticine and managed to get it done. then , we had fun doing all the other things. let me just jump to the funny part. we completed our model and we tested it. the moment of truth. the water poured and the windmill did..........(big surprise)....... not work. again panic took over. the water poured on top of the wheel but the wheel didn't turn. disappointment in the crowd. yes there was a huge crowd at our place since we were very hyper and LOUD. then, one of our team member got a brilliant idea. he tilted the water source to hit the spoon directly. it worked. we were overjoyed and yes, we did jump around like monkeys.

and the rest is history. the judges did their evaluation and we got into the shortlist and finally we won. seriously it was the most fun activity i have ever done. mostly because i did it with my friends. a big salute to those guys. they endured my terrible singing during that tensed hour. thanks, shaki and thanks clement. you guys are the best. MEWAHANS RoCk.

the war of words....

words. they were our weapon of defense and attack during this war. Against an elite school, we the humble mewahans went. the battle ground set in favour of the enemy. where they knew the tricks and shortcuts; strategies to make us look like fools. but we were not scared for we were to speak the truth and nothing but the whole truth.

arguments began. we stated the truth, we were humble but feisty. we were civilised. the evil dirty tricks from the enemy tried to trip us but failed. the cunning laughs and exaggerated hand gestures made them appear more like politicians. they had nothing though. words with not even a strand of relevance were thrown . the crowd went crazy over it. they were cheering for the enemy for it was their homeland.

we did not give up. we knew that they were only armed with eloquence. besides what could we expect from someone who ties his shoelace on a chair during the war. the sword of accent was there but was not used in the right manner. they tried twisting and turning but sadly , they were the ones who got twisted. they went against their own soldiers, they laughed, smiled but they were not aware that the war was not over yet.

we brought out secret weapons and that confused the intellectually-challenged enemy. they ran from the war, in fear that we might beat them. they were like donkeys running off, with their fear-stricken eyes. they were not man enough to accept the truth. they lied and tried misleading us. but we were not misled. however, the others who watched were.

the arguments ended. the war of words was done with. now for the evaluation. an elite school against the humble mewahans. they were like giants. they appeared big, but if looked closer you would realise that they had peas for brains. the evaluation went on. the aspects we were judged on, which side was bigger, who looked better, who was fairer. they were too scared to go against the giants as they might crush them.

they gave the win to the enemy but we knew who were the real winners. we walked out of there with dignity. unfair, sure, injustice, definitely, but what can we do? we are just the humble mewahans.

clothes......

a lot of things change. names change, friends change, initials change, television programmes change, relationships change, and even humans change. once a kind hearted man could change into a greedy money-loving idiot in a few days. change can be good, nevertheless change can be bad too.

my life has been turned upside down; completely changed. from a low caste cart puller, i have now become the designer who has become an overnight success. thanks to Project Runway. i design clothes for both men and women. during the competition i designed a lot of clothes and those were the creation of my imagination. i let my mind wander into the worlds of materials and fabrics. like a horse let loose, it ran wildly. my creations were alive and they had a mind on their own. they would whisper to me the way to cut, sew and assemble them. the judges called my works 'unpredictable', 'magnificent' and 'superbly wonderful'.

i became the newbie who made headlines in the world of fashion. the baby face designer who would earn thousands for his next line of designs. i was the envy of all. my life turned a complete 180 degrees, from living a hut , i now own the biggest bungalow in Beverly Hills. i have jennifer lopez in speed dial and my neighbour is justin timberlake. the ones that i have drooled over are now my closest friends. no more singlets and khaki shorts, its tuxedo and t-shirts with jeans.

but i am not happy. the fabrics have gone mute. i can't hear them anymore. when i touch them, there is no feelings, no affection. nothing. i create clothes which are not mine. highly demanded they have lost their authenticity. they are not mine. look at the set of clothes hung up there, next the cabinet. they are my next line of design. all added up, they would probably bring me millions. i suppose. however i have made up my mind. i don't want that money. i want 'me' back. i want the whisper of the fabrics back.

i looked at them , a short glance over the clothes that didn't belong to me. its high time i made a decision. now, i shall act on it. i grasped the match box from the table beside me. a fast swip of the match, and i saw my freedom. my way out. its time. i threw the lighted match onto the pile of clothes in front of me. they caught on light. i saw happiness ahead, freedom and the old me. i walked out of there with the satisfaction of correcting my wrong.

my love has unveiled.....

reading and writing are the best things in life for me. i do not know whether i am good at these things (do i have to be?) but i have the best of time doing these. i have been writing since i was about 10 (fiction). i only got into reading in secondary school ( J K Rowling's Harry Potter series do not count) after reading Matilda by Roald Dahl. that was the book that got me going.

i have travelled a lot in books. first i walked into the made-up world of Roald Dahl where Giants invaded the streets at midnight and there was a factory too cool to be described. slowly i ran into Kabul where Khaled Hosseini managed to get me hooked with the stunning storyline and plot. then i flew over, to india. Arundhathi Roy, Aravind Adiga, and Jhumpa Lahiri changed my idea of writing totally. the literary works with stunning prose and beautiful words had me dazzled off my feet. then came Malaysia, Preeta Samarasan had me on my knees worshiping her for the stunning debut, Evening is the Whole day. familiar scenes from malaysian life planted into her novel made me laugh like a made fool and cry like a baby. Jodi Picoult slowly transported me to America where i found out literary works can be contemporary.

all these are just a few examples of authors whom i love dearly. there are tens of others whom i did not state here who have influenced my reading style. now, i am hooked on Charles Dickens and Roald Dahl. who will be next? i don't know. i just keep going without a narrowed down list or genre, i discover authors almost every single week. reading these magnificent novels and writings, made me want to create pieces which are just as good. (whether i succeed in doing it or not is a totally different question all it's own).

nowadays, i love writing. short fiction are my favourite, i recently wrote one for MPH competition. writing the story, i realised that i wrote it because i loved doing it. (of course, i only realised it at the end, too late to change anything) creating characters, placing them in difficult situations, stepping into their shoes and seeing it from their point of view. i just loved it a lot. no words can truly describe the love i have for writing.

sure, i might not be the next Khaleed Hosseini or Aravind Adiga, but i will keep on writing. who knows i might actually improve in this craft that i love so much. now, you play the part. i really do need constructive criticism. i don't need people to fake OMG's or WOW. i want you guys to help me point out the flaws in my stories, so that these flaws would not follow up in my upcoming stories. be genuine, if you hated it, just say so. if you liked it, just say so. i want to get better and for that to happen i need people to point out the mistakes i am making. (don't be too harsh, though)

well, thats all i have to say. the choice is in your hands. leaving you to ponder on that, i end this very close to heart post.

HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY....!!!!!!

i would like to dedicate this post to my amazing friend, ANDREW. he just turned 15 yesterday. he is the greatest guy one could ever meet. he is the best. very open minded, LOUD, cool, funny, superb, fun, laughing, trustworthy, loving, kind, sometimes macho (act only lah), cute, genuine, crazy, out-of-his- mind, tough on the outside, soft on the inside, adventurous, rabbit-like (hahahaahaha), and a good friend.

i am so sorry, i couldn't wish you on the BIG day but mind you, i did remember. its just that the circumstances were not in favour. glad to know that you enjoyed your birthday (from your blog), and may god bless you with days like yesterday until the end of time. you are a great guy, just believe in yourself, you can conquer the sky. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, Andrew.

(to those who didn't know what i was talking about, chill out. its not your fault that you haven't met this amazing guy. just hope that you will meet him soon, okay.)

reflection

pearl-sized water drizzled all over my body. i looked up at the sky. my eyes were forced to close as rainwater tried to break through my eyelids. the pearls expanded and got heavier. my feet strung into action although my heart wanted them to stay still. my eyes looked for shelter while my mind conquered my leg.

the thuds on a roof calmed me and i found a place where the rainwater wouldn't find me.my shoes drenced from the rain made squeaky sounds trying to find a place to rest. fatigue brought me down and i sat.

looking at a puddle of water in front of me. who is this person? 'I' am not the one i see. the guy in the reflection was different and ugly. a drop of water, could have been my sweat or the rain water, distorted the image with ripples. constructive interference and destructive interference... i was floating into the world of Physics.

but the ripples stopped and the clear image of the guy startled me. was i always this scary looking? i kept looking at him unblinkingly. he stared back just as determined. i never felt this awkward before. my reflection being not mine.

maybe i never really looked at my reflection before but, it was quite difficult to push aside the fact that i have changed so much. my hands started to twiddle with themselves while my eyes strained to keep competing with the ugly looking image.

a song slowly sneaked it's way into my mind. when will my reflection show who i am inside... reflection from the movie Mulan. can our reflection really show the real us? i am not sure. maybe mulan's question was rhetorical....not meant to be answered.

i stand up still staring at the guy. he is not me and i don't want to be him. my eyes close. voluntarily, my legs 'kicked' and 'jumped' and 'destroyed' the puddle of water. when i opened my eyes, the puddle wasn't there anymore. at that moment i looked up and saw sunshine. the day is just starting, i smiled.

p.s.: this kinda really happened in prefects' camp 2009 which i'll be talking about later....

silence.....

the silence was torture. not a word said or one received for a whole hour. sure, i talked with those who talked to me but that does not count as i am not talking, i am just answering, forced to, unwillingly. he just kept doing his work and i did mine.

waiting for a question to end the misery brought no results, only more time wasted. my eyes slide to the side where he sat doing his mathematics and narrating the equations to himself. a friend for so long. fights came and went, but we remained the same, friends. not a day have i not spoken to him in school (alright, maybe just a few). today, the misunderstanding was different, in the sense that neither of us have apologized yet.

i sat there wondering, should i break down my wall of ego and apologize but something held me back. i got back to my mathematics. time passed, and the silence persisted. the thought of returning home with the question How long will it continue? haunted me.

i called him an imbecile, a word that is the total opposite of him. but it was just a joke, meant to be laughed at five minutes later. but laughter never came, joy left without a word, and friendship sailed far away.

the school bell which usually brought relief to my mind, went off startling a few sensors, Just say sorry, but i just kept packing my bag. my bag was packed, and he was placing some books in his. now is a good time, just say sorry. i stood up, hoping that he would just say 'wait', but it never came. my feet took a few steps away from him, when my heart told me to wait. Ego took over, i walked away, leaving him behind.

taking very slow steps ,praying that he would catch up, i reached the canteen. i turned around and saw him walking, but he never acknowledged me so i turned away. at that moment, i realised my wrong, unfortunately when i turned he disappeared. i walked down the corridor alone, with no smile on my face, probably the first time this year.

when i reached the school gates, i saw him walking towards his car. i did want to walk up to him and end the silence but i didn't. i took a few steps forward but then, he kept on walking so, i stopped and turned around. Maybe tomorrow.

P.S.: this kinda like happened except for the last part, a bit different. i had a misunderstanding with my closest friend and i am keeping my fingers crossed that he would forgive me .

A World for Herself.....

living in a world that is made for you is bliss, better still, is living in a world created by you. it takes two second to say that, but is it that easy to create a world? the days shereen has wondered about leaving town and starting a new life elsewhere are many. but something was stopping her. something so powerful that it managed to change her mind everytime she packed her bag and decided to leave.


her clothes are all packed and the last of the zippers have been closed. she sits on the bed thinking over the events that have happened in the past few months of her life. she has no one here anymore. it is not like she had some one all the time with her. its just that belonging to Jack for the past two months felt safe and secure to her. she is scared that the minute she leaves, that safety and security will vanish too.


Jack had the most romantic eyes, and the dimple that follows his smile was to die for. the way he held her hands, Shereen knew he would never let go till the end of the earth. tears start to trail off her cheeks, as she searches for the reason he left. was it her fault? did she not love him as much as he loved her? those rough manly hands are here no more to hold her.

where is she to go? what can she do to survive? as she closes her eyes, the scene where he walks out of the door unveils in her mind.

you worthless, piece of junk. you are nothing to me. i can find another girl, and all i need for that is a small smile, and the queue for my next bride-to-be will be enough to trace the diameter of the earth. you get that in your mind. that was the last thing he said.

she knew even before it was over, that their relationship was not going to last forever. the thing about love is that you never know whether it is true love or otherwise until you realize that you would want to spent the rest of your life with them. he left, because he knew it was just lust. what is she still doing in that house?

she opens her eyes, glances around the room and tries remembering all the good times she had in it. the memories are fresh, but she doesn't want them in her chapter of love life. she gets up, grabs her suitcase, and walks out of the room. she does not have a plan but she knows she has to leave. she doesn't want to live in Jack's world anymore. she wants to create a world where jerks like Jack would not exist and in that world she wants to be happy. she closes the door, and leaves, never turning back.

i know, i know.....

first of all sorry for being a lousy blogger. its been what, three weeks? but hey, i got reasons for my actions. and one of them is that i was (and still am) sick. fever (on and off). anyway, enough about my sad story, lets carry on.

today, i am going to blabber (just because i said blabber doesn't mean that you got to smile that way, stop that puppy dog look) about HOW OFTEN DO ADULTS THINK THEY ARE AT THE TOP OF THE GAME? like duh, everyone knows that they do it. they think they know all the minute details of life (when actually THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO OPERATE A COMPUTER) ( and NO i am not mocking or talking about my parents, they are so not like that)

lets say, you are talking with a group of adults, and they are talking about some topic that you really do have a lot of interest (and knowledge) in. they will be exchanging facts (wrongs facts, anyway). and when you try to add to their facts (ummmmhmmm...meaning correct the wrong facts), all they do is hush you away, remember these words, i know, i know la... and then, they continue talking (about the wrong facts) ignoring you. like dude, how many time has that happened to you? i get frustrated over these stuff. i am tired of people thinking i am nothing but a teenager who glues his eyes to the television probably watching ONE TREE HILL (and yes, i do watch...the show is awesome)

i mean give us a break, just because you are (what) 20 years older than us doesn't mean that you know everything? i mean come on, man. listen to us once in a while( obey us like we are kings and queens while we treat you like slaves.......muahahahahaha) we have a lot of interesting stuffs to say ( and correct facts , mind you). maybe we should have a WORLD TEENAGERS-ADULTS AGREEMENT, we can put in 'listening to us' as number one ( sure, we will try our level best to slip in the obeying part somewhere......for now just cross your fingers). hahahahahaha.

i think i got better by just typing this post out, man. i feel much better. until we meet again next time, T.T.F.N.

it's been a week.....

yes, people. it has been a week (a very fast one) since school reopened. things started to get really HOT on the second day of school. the school discipline administration had a surprise Hair Check. you would understand why the word hot was capitalised, if you had a friend caught by the dicipline teacher. haiz, complicated stuff. since my friend, had already talked about the haircut rule and i seem to agree with him a lot, i am not going to blabber about it here. check his blog out, in my bloggers' invasion. he is Mr. pieces of my puzzle (yes, not Miss. Pieces of Me, which is also a very nice blog to read.)

well, first week was kinda hectic. we had our SUKANTARA which was quite exhausting, of course. oh yeah, my teachers. we have a new chemistry teacher, Pn.Wong, and Pn Saras is teaching us Add Maths, biology is now time for Miss Claire (she is very scary but she is very good, too.)

do you want to hear my new year's resolution? yes, its only one.(those expecting something great and usual, pinch yourself. you know Ara is not that predicable. shame on you) that's writing a diary. i know, i can hear all the chehs and apalarlu's. it is lame, i admit. but i have always wanted to write a diary. you know, to keep record of each day, the happenings in that day, the things that made me want to weep, revelations that raised me onto cloud nine. its really the tingling kind of feeling that we get when we read a diary after a few years (seriously, it is GREAT), that i look forward to most.

what school would be if it was not for getting homework? ( a happy place......i guess......i never will know, thanks to the incredible species of teachers.) note: TEACHERS, that is only to make my post fun, i have no intention in hurting your feelings in one way or another. yes, i have tonnes and tonnes of homework waiting for me as i type this post. i think it would be best for me to end this post here. i really should get back to my homework. bye guys, (until we meet again next time.)