The PACT by Jodi Picoult

It was simple. I had two weeks holiday and nothing to do. Not entirely true actually, i had maths homework to do, chemistry to revise, physics to look into and thinking skills to worry about. I grabbed the book, and I stared at it. Started leafing through it. You see i got it as a present from my teacher in high school. I was very much into novels and still am. I looked at the book. The cover page had a male and a female sitting with their backs facing us. And the second page had the same scenery, the same male figure but the female one was missing. Intriguing.

I started the book, like any one would actually. Just reading 20 pages here 10 pages there. But that changed. I don’t remember when or even what triggered the change. Could it be the fact that the male character, Christopher Harte, was 17 years old and by that age he had found his true love? Or the heaps of trouble he goes through when the only wrong he did was love Emily, his childhood friend, confidante, and finally lover? I don’t know. I still don’t know. But I began connecting to the book. As in, my thoughts were merged with the book. I was thinking what it would be like to be in his place. To be in Chris’s shoes and to watch his whole world crumble down right in front of him when all he did was love the girl who was, or so he thought was, his soul mate.

For the very first time, a book grabbed at me so hard that it made me shiver. When you reach a point where you knew you had loads of stuff on your hand but ignored everything and immersed yourself completely in the world of the two characters that seemed very real, you know that the book is good. I did it. The only time, i cried for a book was when I was reading Marley and Me. The only time, I felt my heart being wrenched away was when I read The Pact. Imagine this, I was actually praying for a character. I am not denying it. I felt these characters. For three days, I believed that I was actually living in their world, where true love actually existed. It was like watching a movie and then getting up and walking right into the television.

The funny thing was that these characters never had a definite face. Usually the introduction of a character means the entrance of a faceless individual into the picture. Then slowly an image came clear; a guy or a girl that I had seen in some hallmark movie or even a guy from an advertisement on NTV7. I don’t know whether it was suppose to be that way or that’s just me but I liked it. I also got to rework these images when the author throws in a detail in the next line. And the image would stay that way till the end of the book. For the first time, I had not had one steady image for Chris. He was a different guy every time I closed the book and opened it again.

I wish I could say more but I have got to reread the book again!!!..so thats all yeah!!... the pact is an awesome read and if you don’t try it, its your loss!!..

lost?

sometimes i feel, the real me has actually vanished. i know this may sound totally absurd, irrelevant and idiotically stupid. but it is what i feel and i think i should be honest about it here. it has been happening for sometime. i mean this me not being me or this ME actually being me without knowing whether the real me is the one being ME. yeah, its sort of complicated. i am absolutely lost. talking to friends about it is only going to make them think that i have gone crazy or i have a severe mental illness and that i am going to die soon. hahaha. neither of which are true. (i know you are disappointed).

lets start with me being all confusing. lets say what i am now is not really me. what if i am actually trying to be funny just because funny people are crowd favourites. is it me as in the REAL me being funny. yeap, its seriously mind-boggling. but then, i like being random and funny. it is true that some people kinda, sort of, hmmm...what would be the apt word?...hmmm..think that me being random is totally stupid. yeap, that sentence is has suffered some severe "malapropisms" (by the way, it ain't an illness, thank god right!! imagine the doctor telling you that you have malapropism and you will be like...WHAT?...haha). and yeah this is getting hard to explain as in, i don't really know whether there is a purpose for me to be typing this out here but yeah, i felt like it at the start of the post.

to put things clear or well, just take the veil of confusions off, i doubt myself now. as in, am i being ME? or am i being the ME people want me to be? i feel confused. nevertheless, i am feeling calm at the same time. i really don't know whether this is normal or should i be running to the psychiatrist now. oddly, not knowing me truly, has given me the chance to discover new things about me that i didn't know about me in the first place. yeah, i am confusing you again aren't i? well, in simpler terms (frankly i can't find simpler terms than the one i used in the sentence before this). i guess the element of surprise in it counts for it. i am amazed by the amount of things that actually interest me.

well, i am lost. my identity and my idiosyncrasies may still be there. but are they truly mine? hmmm. i honestly don't know. in a nutshell, i am enjoying being lost and am hoping not to be found until the very last second on earth.

more than words....

yesterday at about 11.00 am my dog, naxy was put to sleep. it has had disease since last year. it had bleeding ever since but still alive and active though. you have seen it right. it had brown coat of fur and streaks of white here and there. it was my companion for about 8 year you know. it was a very very smart dog. it may not have been obedient but it was the best thing that had happened to me. there would be a huge smile on it's face, it could tell it was so happy.

yesterday, the vet came to my house just to check how bad was the disease. he confirmed that the disease had worsened and there was no way to treat it for even though he tried it would only hurt him. he said that naxy had suffered real bad throughout this infection. the only way to relieve him from the pain and torture was to put to sleep. that moment i broke down and cried. i cried like the most idiotic person on earth. if anyone saw me they would have confirmed there was a death in my family. but it was like that. naxy was my brother. a member of the family ever since i was a toddler. he played with me. he licked me , chased me around the house. he also caused havoc wherever he went but that was what made him special. if not for all those things, he would not have been my dog.

i am like a death man right now. it is as though a part of me had been chipped away heartlessly. the pain is just unbearable. the doctor also called someone to help us dig a grave in a free place. he brought my lifeless best friend there and we followed him. me and my mother with my brother. it was painful to let go of him.

seriously i could not have had a better dog than naxy.he might have been unruly disobedient and just playful but he was my friend, companion, brother and everything i could ever wish for. i had said goodbye to him with a hug. he was just so good a friend. well that's all i got to tell for the pain i am feeling right now and the love i have for him are things that aren't explainable in words.

readmalaysia....

well, the readmalaysia book fair was held in mines resort city in the exhibition hall. it was huge but they only had a small section for English books. most of the books were of Chinese language and malay language. the MPH booth was really awesome. the prices were not to say that attractive but they were alright.

i reached there around 1.30 on Sunday. it was the last day of the fair. i was hoping for last minute discounts but was disappointed. the books were stacked up high in all the booths. i had my eyes on Jodi picoult's Plain Truth. i really wanted that book. i was glancing around the booths before deciding to go back to the MPH one to get the book. it was RM 10 cheaper meaning it was at RM 24.40. my sister bought robin sharma's The Saint, The Surfer, and The CEO and chicken soup for the girl's soul.

the trip was great actually. later, we went to midvalley megamall for the global Indian shopping festival. my mom wanted to just 'experience' the atmosphere there. we were there for about three hours. and guess what we didn't have lunch. yes, we were so caught up with books and the shopping festival that we forgot to eat.

anyways, everything went according to plan. now it's time for me to maybe take a break from all the travelling . yeah right!! i still have moral folio to do with my revision. it's going to be a heck of a day to do.

guilty or not guilty...

actions can only be judged by those performing it. the ones to comment on other's actions simply do not know the real reason behind them. but some actions do not need reasons at all. so does it make it right to judge those actions? better still what if that was a murder.....

i looked around the enclosed dark room. there was not a ray of light anywhere. much like my life that has plunged into the abyss of darkness. the rays of hope had vanished, leaving me alone in my dirty disgusting world. the fan above me creaked while the blades swished around.

my thoughts were very disorganized. there was a cloud of confusions over my head. a drop of sweat dropped from the tip of my nose and fell on her leg. i couldn't see but i could tell, her legs were right below me. she laid motionless and liveless. her white sleeveless t-shirt drenched in blood and sweat. again, i can only imagine that. my feet felt a thick liquid oozing out from her lower abdomen, right where i had stabbed her.

why did i stab her? that's a question i have no answer for. the reason was nothing. i stabbed her for no reason at all. she had come in awhile ago. wearing a white t-shirt and a skimpy old blue jeans. although, her lips only asked for directions to the apartment above mine, there was lust in her eyes. i could sense that she was not here for mere directions.

her fingers had played with her curls. first sign of flirtation. i noticed there was a glimmering diamond wedding ring on one of her fingers. a smile had slowly been introduced to my face. i looked at her, straight into those sensuous red eyes. i could feel that she was here to play with me. she wanted me. i knew it.

i had slowly moved towards the door. the click of the lock only brought a glow of joy on her face. she wants to play with me. then i shall play with her. i had taken her into my arm and led the way to the sofa. she smiled not knowing what awaited her. when she was comfortable, i grabbed the vase on the table beside the sofa. broke the end of the vase and stabbed her. she screamed but no one could hear her, for i had my hands over her mouth before that. i stabbed her not once or twice but thrice. definitely, she felt the pain piercing through every single cell in her body..

now sitting here, i keep thinking. am i guilty or not guilty? there are a lot of points to argue this question. but the real answer is for me to know and for you to let your imagination go wild. i stood up and walked over to the door. a short glance over the body brought a smile on my face. i closed the door shut, locked it and walked away.

the war of words....

words. they were our weapon of defense and attack during this war. Against an elite school, we the humble mewahans went. the battle ground set in favour of the enemy. where they knew the tricks and shortcuts; strategies to make us look like fools. but we were not scared for we were to speak the truth and nothing but the whole truth.

arguments began. we stated the truth, we were humble but feisty. we were civilised. the evil dirty tricks from the enemy tried to trip us but failed. the cunning laughs and exaggerated hand gestures made them appear more like politicians. they had nothing though. words with not even a strand of relevance were thrown . the crowd went crazy over it. they were cheering for the enemy for it was their homeland.

we did not give up. we knew that they were only armed with eloquence. besides what could we expect from someone who ties his shoelace on a chair during the war. the sword of accent was there but was not used in the right manner. they tried twisting and turning but sadly , they were the ones who got twisted. they went against their own soldiers, they laughed, smiled but they were not aware that the war was not over yet.

we brought out secret weapons and that confused the intellectually-challenged enemy. they ran from the war, in fear that we might beat them. they were like donkeys running off, with their fear-stricken eyes. they were not man enough to accept the truth. they lied and tried misleading us. but we were not misled. however, the others who watched were.

the arguments ended. the war of words was done with. now for the evaluation. an elite school against the humble mewahans. they were like giants. they appeared big, but if looked closer you would realise that they had peas for brains. the evaluation went on. the aspects we were judged on, which side was bigger, who looked better, who was fairer. they were too scared to go against the giants as they might crush them.

they gave the win to the enemy but we knew who were the real winners. we walked out of there with dignity. unfair, sure, injustice, definitely, but what can we do? we are just the humble mewahans.

2008 ( i know it's so yesterday....literally)

well, guys, 2008 has been one of those years that i will never forget (that's what they always say, ask me a year from now and i'll tell you that nothing really important happened in that year).

last year (i mean that yesterday's "this year") was really fun. i had tonnes and tonnes of laughther with my friends. seriously, (last year was not serious at all). the things we did. haiz. and i did get in trouble quite a lot, (not for what i did, mostly for what i didn't do........and no, it was not homework). loved today's "last year", because, that was the very first year i was with ALL my friends ( note that form 3 does not count because i was too busy studying my head off).

the achivements that i 'achieved' last year is not important. (yeah....rrrriiiiigggghhhhhtttt). the posts and all are totally boring to be stated here ( and i don't want to sound like a stuck-up-proud-snob). more importantly, in that year i discovered this new hobby, yes, reading. i read about 25 novels last year (yes, some were really really short and there were a lot of novels by Agatha Christie). reading has beeen my ultimate escape and i only noticed it last year,( can you believe it?).

my friends. well, this post would not be complete if it did not have my friends in it. my friends were (and will always be) the best in the world (last year, this year must wait and see). i got to know a lot of knew ones too. anne was one of them but now she is far away in Australia. Thambhi (that's priyadharshan) is also one of them, he was from St Paul (now he is in MY school....naynanaynanaynanay)

to put it in a nutshell (nutshells are very small, you know), my life blossomed last year. loved it. sad to see that that year has come to an end. and the beginning of this (monstrous) 2009. (of course, its SPM). anyways, Happy New Year , y'all.

life's precious gift

F.R.I.E.N.D.S for me they are life's precious gift. the things we do for them, the sacrifices they make for us, the time we spend with them, the memories we create when we are with them, everything, its just great. when we need a shoulder to cry on, they are always there. its just wonderful having friends but it is difficult to find true friends. a true friend is one who thinks of his/her friend's needs before theirs. that one quality is good enough for one to be a true friend. the love that radiates from within their heart is their way of saying 'i care about you'. to give a verisimilitude to the friends, one should posses this quality. the sacrifices that we make are not important or crucial to be remembered. we are here to be friends to others and we should try our very best to be a true friend. you might know a friend since kindergarten but still he/she might not be a true friend. on the contrary, a friend you met just two months ago may care for you more than that the friend from kindergarten might. its not about how long you know a friend, its about how good a friend they are. also talking about long-term friendships, if you know a friend for quite some time and you really have the confidence that they are a true friend. then that statement (above) is definitely not for you. the amount of time you know a friend just goes on to polish the relationship and the quality of your friendship. when you know a person for a certain amount of time, you tend to know and understand them better and probably you are able to predict their next move or so. it is true. that's why we should always have a lot of friends but stay close to one or two, because they are the ones who will help you when you are trouble. alas, friends are to have memories and experiences with, they are always a teenager's first 'counsellor', in one or many cases friends are a necessity because they are the group of people you grow up with. that's why they are life's precious gift.