confused?

i don't know about you , but i definitely am. its literally 2 in the morning and i am sitting here at the heart of the unit which is this wooden table right in the middle of the living room, all alone. basically, i am here once again, because i have nowhere else to go. and i am confused. why? why? why does it have to be the freaking ME, who is always confused.?

well, here goes, i am confused about my actions. you see, sometimes, my actions aren't really what is right to my heart and sometimes, when thought of carefully, they are not necessarily logical or even sensible. okay that last part didn't even make sense. anyways, thats what i am talking about, i am here again, with my Maths past year questions laying right in front of me but i have no mood to do it. no mood in the sense i look at the questions and look away with my mind drifting off somewhere else. i hate this feeling. its icky and irrelevant but i really don't know how to make it go away.

and oh yeah, the confusion kicked in like some time last week or something. i have good friends. wait, thats a lie. i have GREAT friends. but sadly, i kinda think i am more complex than what they view me as. the complexity is very difficult to be explained. i don't know. i just don't know. and you know i might not lock myself in the room and blast the radio and then scream or anything but technically, thats what i truthfully want to do at times. you know why? because sometimes, i just can't say things that go on in my head for it will complicate things.

ohhh well, at least i have you guys to vent out to.

well, lets just get on with it.

hmmm, i have been an awful blogger. i admit that. i don't blame you guys for not reading my blog anymore. TCSH has not turned me into an anti-social freak of nature who does not update his friends on blogger about his life. that bit i can assure.

i am now home for the weekend. sitting on my bed and attempting to do something productive. i should let you guys know about the friends i have made at TCSH. well words do not do justice to the level of awesome-ness they are. and guys here at Seremban, i would say the friends that i have made at TCSH are very different from you guys and that is good because i would never want to compare you guys to anyone. i give you my word if both of these groups clash, you guys would fit in like a key would in a lock made for it. yup, that's them up there, uh huh. they do look like a crazy bunch don't they? well, pictures don't lie. they are a crazy bunch but they are lovely people at the same time.

every single one of them have their own special traits. if i can i would like to tell a story about each and every one of them but sadly i don't have the mood to do so. uh-huh. i am a person who goes by his moods. lets consider this as an introduction to TCSH friends. heheheheh.

will tell you guys more next time. my eyelids are giving in, they have no will power left in them. so until we meet next time, adios amigos.

the Insane is a year older!!

yup, its official!!... the Insane is getting better at being insane!!...i am now legally 18...oooooooo (dramatic effect)...(spotlights on me now!!)....and i shout " hey, you...yes you....I AM 18!!!...

AND YES!!!.....I AM GETTING MORE AND MORE INSANE!!!"



well, i had a wonderful day with my group of favourite people with whom i had spent my entire secondary school life with, and honestly, these are the kind of people with whom you would want to be with for the rest of your life...Yes, they are simply awesome!!....went for the movie that was simply stunning in visuals and storyline...yup what else...INCEPTION....one word rating....AWESOME!!...and my too-good-to-be-true-friend (who is just so adamant in the nicest way possible) refused to take money from me...i felt slightly guilty though!!...

after the super duper cool movie, my friends and i headed to KFC for lunch!!...i tried persuading them to let me treat them for the meal but they gang-ed up against me....well, it was 8 -1...you can guess which team won!!...later, we decided to go watch some of my friends trying to play pool!!...yes, there was some pool-ball-flying action...hehe....

then it was time to head back!!...and i forgot to mention that one of my friends actually made me a jar of mulberry jam!!....and after tasting it, i would recommend her jam to every single soul on this planet that is still able to taste the wonderfully sweet jam!! no man should be deprived off the privilege to taste this jam ......loved it!!...

all in all, i loved "today"!!... i met a lot of my friends whom i hadn't met in awhile....and we talked and laughed.....just the way it was when we were all in the same class a year back!!.... the punches from a friend, the pokes from another, and the ever-lively personalities from all....

i love my friends....seriously, i do not know whether i would have survived secondary school without them....i just wish we were all in the same college but that would make things just perfect...and perfectness is not achievable in this world...at least not in this case...

the post will end now!!...and the Insane wants you guys to know that he is very hyper and happy!!....xoxo

unknown number.....

there was this moment
you were sitting next to the person beside me
and i was wondering
will we still be frens
after our time in secondary school

we laughed
we talked
we joked
and we ate

then suddenly
my phone vibrates
i looked at the unknown number
called that number
but no one answered

we continued laughing
we continued talking
we continued joking
and then again
the unknown number

i ignored it this time
before i knew it
it was time to bid farewell
for the lunch was over

everybody started moving
i looked around
searching for a friend
of ten years
then i see him

gladly stood beside him
and i saw his family
heading towards the exit
he said bye
i said bye

he looked at me
and smiled
"it was me"
he said showing
his phone

i laughed
and slapped him
on his shoulder
"how dare you"
i asked, smiling

then he left.....
after that i left too.

the BEST birthday ever.....

alright, i just came back from the best surprise birthday party one could ever get. seriously, i did not expect it.

it all started yesterday, when clement told me that we have a Mighty Minds meeting at his house. so i was like

" do we really have to have the meeting?" and he was like " hey competition is in like few weeks, you know."

and then i was like " okay lar...but why tomorrow?" and then shaki was like " other days got tuition lar,". and so i gave in and said that i would go.

so today, after school, i rushed home and bathe and rushed to clement's house. (i brought my dog, Lucky, because they really wanted to see it, in the car). and then, when i reached his house, he was getting ready to go somewhere. he later explained that shakilan had no transport and he was going to fetch him. just when he was about to finish saying that, hannah came out of his house.

i was like "what are you doing here?" ( i was suspicious by then, though)

she was like "we had to finish up some last minute work given by miss claire."

well, i kinda believed her because it was really possible. then clement explained that he was going to drop hannah off and pick up shaki at the same time. so it would have been awkward to stay in his house without him. later, he invited me to go with him.

so i went along. clement's mum was driving and she drove into the lane where KFC was situated. they got out of the car....

and i was like "why you guys getting out of the car,"

and then they said something that i couldn't catch. so i got out......

and then i saw yu chen standing at the entrance inside KFC. i was like AHHHHHHHH....i couldn't believe it. i figured it out then.

they had organised a surprise bithday party for me.....for me. OMG...omg....i was staring at clement like a weirdo and he was just smiling and pulling me into KFC. and then we went upstairs where almost all my close friends were. chin chin, carolyn, kee wen, ying ying, yu chen, andrew, and then later shakilan and chee jong joined in. there were snack plates on each place and then they were all smiling and wishing me HAPPY BIRTHDAY. wow....they are like so ....cool and .....just ....wow...... GREAT FRIENDS.

and then shakilan brought the chocolate cake in. it was so large. i didn't even know how to cut it, hannah had to help me. i mean seriously where can you get friends like mine. i have to say that i am very lucky to have them. clement, seriously you are the best, along with shakilan, carolyn, and hannah. can't believe these guys actually managed to keep it in dark till today. later i found out that they were planning this for over a week now. and all those weird moment and questions here and there made sense. it fit just so perfectly.

guys, i am very fortunate to have friends like you. i was dumbfounded today and just for the record, this was the best birthday i have ever celebrated. i couldn't have wished for a better one. you guys rock. lets keep our fingers crossed that we will be best friends forever. ahhh...to heck with the fingers...we know we will be best friends till the end of time. thank you so much.

the mighty mindz.......

yeap baby, we won....the state challenge. we are the mighty mindz. the humble mewahans. the things we did to get to this point. i can't describe the satisfaction on our faces when we got the winning results. it was so great. seriously, our main goal was not to win though. it was to do our best and have fun while doing it and we accomplished it.

we arrived at seremban parade at about 10.45. by that time the lower secondary were doing the first task already, which was the answer-question challenge. we registered and went for a short walk. it wasn't a walk actually. just moving here and there, saying 'hi' and waving 'hello'. if you were there, you could literally see the nervousness on our faces. me, clement and shakilan. OMG. there were rude people there, too, walking past and smiling cynically.

then it was our turn for the first task, the upper secondary. we went in with clueless minds, not really mighty. we were sort of not prepared because there were so many things going on. debates and Prefect Gala. we did do last minute ,desperate, preparation. we stayed back for two days while other schools stayed back for two months. we were definitely freaked out. the thought of losing again (as you guys know we lost in debates finals) haunted all of us. it would be humiliating to go down again. it would be easier to plunge into the abyss of darkness (exaggerating much? yeah)

from the first 7 questions we were 3rd, the first 14 questions, we were 9th...at the end of the first challenge, we were 8th. but it does not matter, since the top 30 teams qualify to the second challenge, that is the hands-on challenge.

now...... the hands on challenge was well......., REALLY, and i mean REALLY, challenging. we were required to built a water powered windmill within an hour and half. and guess what we were given, 3 bottles, 5 plastic tea-spoons, plasticine, a screw, a pin, UHU glue, a polystyrene "wheel", colour paper, a 100plus can, chopsticks, and a blade. (other stuffs, i just can't remember, sorry.) well we started off great. we got to planning and we immediately got to work.

when doing the project a lot of things went wrong. remember the polystyrene wheel? yeah, about that. we kinda decided to poke the sharp end of the spoons (which we cut) so that the water can hit the spoon and turn the polystyrene wheel which in turn would turn the chopstick that will turn the windmill (the 100 plus can cut). but we were 'smart' enough to put UHU glue into the point where we poked the wheel. yes, it turn soggy and soaked.

we looked at each other, panicked. plan B , we used the bottle cap and the plasticine and managed to get it done. then , we had fun doing all the other things. let me just jump to the funny part. we completed our model and we tested it. the moment of truth. the water poured and the windmill did..........(big surprise)....... not work. again panic took over. the water poured on top of the wheel but the wheel didn't turn. disappointment in the crowd. yes there was a huge crowd at our place since we were very hyper and LOUD. then, one of our team member got a brilliant idea. he tilted the water source to hit the spoon directly. it worked. we were overjoyed and yes, we did jump around like monkeys.

and the rest is history. the judges did their evaluation and we got into the shortlist and finally we won. seriously it was the most fun activity i have ever done. mostly because i did it with my friends. a big salute to those guys. they endured my terrible singing during that tensed hour. thanks, shaki and thanks clement. you guys are the best. MEWAHANS RoCk.

HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY....!!!!!!

i would like to dedicate this post to my amazing friend, ANDREW. he just turned 15 yesterday. he is the greatest guy one could ever meet. he is the best. very open minded, LOUD, cool, funny, superb, fun, laughing, trustworthy, loving, kind, sometimes macho (act only lah), cute, genuine, crazy, out-of-his- mind, tough on the outside, soft on the inside, adventurous, rabbit-like (hahahaahaha), and a good friend.

i am so sorry, i couldn't wish you on the BIG day but mind you, i did remember. its just that the circumstances were not in favour. glad to know that you enjoyed your birthday (from your blog), and may god bless you with days like yesterday until the end of time. you are a great guy, just believe in yourself, you can conquer the sky. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, Andrew.

(to those who didn't know what i was talking about, chill out. its not your fault that you haven't met this amazing guy. just hope that you will meet him soon, okay.)

it will all get better in time....

like i told you before. LIFE IS A ROLLER COASTER. sometimes there are ups and there are also downs. you cannot possibly expect one to be at the top forever. its just against the rules of nature. you are supposed make mistakes. mistakes so big that it will probably affect your future. MISTAKES so big that might drive your friends away from you. these mistakes are meant to be made because they are life's valuable lessons. they say that there is not a better teacher than mistakes. the important thing about these mistakes is that you thrive through the consequences of it. you jump over each boulder that barricades you from reaching to the finish line. and when you do finish life's race you will come out as a stronger person. so what if you got low grades in your history paper or even chemistry for that matter. all that matters is that you learn from your mistakes. you correct them in the coming years. if your friends do not stick around you to see you succeed, then do not cry over it. they are not really your friends. true friends stick with each other through thick or thin. they might be stronger than you are ; smarter, more popular, better in everything. but it all comes down to whether they are being true friends. i have written a lot on friendship so take a look at the previous posts. so remember never abandon friends just because they are not as good as you in grades, you know that they will never do it to you. but if you still feel that you should move away from a friend who got bad grades, then, who am i to stop you.

P.S. be a true friend first, only then you will have true friends.

my 'aunt'

ahhh...my aunt. even though not blood related, she is one of my closest friends. she is Priya Dharshini. the one who has been my mentor, friend, tutor, shielder, the one that i lay my troubles on. to imagine her, picture kajol (don't fly, priya) with just enough hair to be tied up into a ponytail, the height of malini (exact height), and with a very good sense of taste. she has a lot of posts but i am not going to list them down for you, as her personality and her beautiful heart out-major's them. she may have a pretty face but underneath that lays a prettier heart and soul. anything she does, she devotes herself to it. she gives her best in every single thing that is important for her. she does not care about what other people might think of her, but if she feels its the right thing to do. then she will do it. she lives her life for herself and not for anyone else. she is kinda an inspiration to me as in her personality i see someone who is willing to risk down a lot of other things just to make sure she does the right thing. she is a great friend when you need somebody to share your sorrows with. oh yeah..the advises she gives will without doubt lift your spirit up. she one of those rare kinds where they actually care for a friend. she will definitely go the extra mile to make a friend happy. at times when you need somebody to tell you some comments, she will be your mentor. she has been mine. whenever i make a mistake she is the one to knock some sense into me. she speaks the truth and she believes in what she says. that's also another face that i like of hers. well, she has put up as a sister with me for four years. she has been there for me every time i needed her, and she has definitely helped me get back on my feet every time i fell. she is great. well, THANKS PRIYA FOR BEING MY FRIEND, SISTER, MENTOR, AND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE BEEN

p.s.: the family tree says that you are my aunt

my 'mother'

ahhhh. i am done with my great grandmother and now its time for my mother. well, not the one living under the same roof as me, yes, the other one (family tree). her name is goh yun ying. every Monday in assembly sarjan tan kian hoe will go like, 'majlis menjemput ketua pengawas saudari goh yun ying untuk melafazkan ikrar'. if you are a Malaysian, then by now, you should know that she is the head girl of smk bukit mewah. picture the singer JOJO as tall as malini and do not miss her smile. its is one of those things that are omnipresent. she may seem stressed at times but she rocks. the way she handles all her problems is just amazing. you want to know how she handles them? with friends by her side and a big smile painted over her face. she makes everything seem fun and she enjoys life. she like 'my great grandmother' also has everything needed to maintain a life worth killing for. i really do not know how this people are able to do that you. imagine a girl holding several president posts and a whole lot of other posts maintaining her composure at all times. on top of that, the minute she stands beside you, you will definitely laugh. yes, she is that fun. i guess its in the genes. the stress free life and laughter everything. its just surreal for me to have known a girl this special. ( guys she is taken by the way). she is also like a sister for me. she has guided me a lot with her knowledge of leadership. she has been there for me when i needed her. she is a true friend. its correct you know, the saying BIG THINGS COMES IN SMALL PACKAGES. anyways, THANK YUN YING FOR BEING A WONDERFUL "MOTHER". YOU ROCK.

my grandmother or great grandmother..

i am guessing it was a Wednesday when a girl about a tree stump height came running towards me showing a piece of paper with a family tree on it. she showed it to me and laughed her 'elegant' laugh. it was one of those days i will never forget. that day, i had a sensation belonging to a group of people who liked me. i like them a lot. all those names on that family tree (i have to admit) were my best friends (except for those i didn't know). that girl was malini paranchotty. she is a form five in my school and to me she is like a sister (except in the family tree she is my grandmother or great grandmother). if you want to imagine how she looks, just think of a girl with a medium height, enough hair to be tied into a pony tail, tanned skin and her most important aspect, a huge smile on her face. that is malini. she holds a lot of posts and responsibility but you will never see her being serious for more than 5 minutes. she never fails to put a smile on your face and she is often mistaken for being this innocent looking girl. ha ha ha ha ha. she is a true friend. that's a definite as she is always there to help you and lend you a shoulder to cry on. she is a good secret-keeper. i have known her for 4 years and i have to say, she is a great sister. sometimes i envy her as she has everything, great friends and a stress free life( do not count the spm month in). she is what one may refer as the wholesome personality (guys don't even think about it, she is taken). this entry is just my way of saying THANKS MALINI FOR BEING THERE WHENEVER I NEEDED YOU.